The Twelve Days Of Precious
by Wayfarer
Summary: Carol Parodies: Something about the thought of snow and the Yule season makes musie bawl out whacked up carols, ME style! Canon safe.
1. The Twelve Days Of Precious

**DISCLAIMER**

Standard disclaimers apply. I'm a novice writer and no Tolkien scholar, neither am I a composer. Constructive criticism much appreciated.

**SUMMARY**

A tune Gollum might have sung to entertain themselves in memory of Yule, when they were still settling into a life of isolation under the Hithaeglir.

* * *

**The Twelve Days of Precious**

_by _Wayfarer_  
(closetwayfarer at yahoo dot com)_

**The Twelve Days of Precious  
**_(sung to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas)_

On the first day of Christmas  
my cousin showed to me:  
A Gold Ring from the river

On the second day of Christmas  
my cousin gave to me:  
Two Turtle Eggs  
and the Gold Ring from the river

On the third day of Christmas  
my cousin gave to me:  
Three Fresh Fish  
Two Turtle Eggs  
and the Gold Ring from the river

On the fourth day of Christmas  
the others asked of me:  
Four days gone by  
Three nights since  
Two went out  
and still no sign of the other

On the fifth day of Christmas  
my Grandma sent to me:  
More Golden Rings  
Four Cackling Hens  
Three Fresh Fish  
Two Turtle Eggs  
and the Precious in my pocket

On the sixth day of Christmas  
my Grandma sent to me:  
Six Cheese Fermenting  
More Golden Rings  
Four Cackling Hens  
Three Fresh Fish  
Two Turtle Eggs  
and the Precious in my pocket

On the seventh day of Christmas  
my Grandma sent to me:  
Seven Vats a Brimming  
Six Cheese Fermenting  
More Golden Rings  
Four Cackling Hens  
Three Fresh Fish  
Two Turtle Eggs  
and the Precious in my pocket

On the eighth day of Christmas  
the others asked of me:  
Eight Aunts a Crying  
Seven Men a Swimming  
Six Groups a Searching  
Five Damning Clues  
Four days gone by  
Three nights since  
Two went out  
and still no sign of the other

On the ninth day of Christmas  
my Grandma sent to me:  
Nine Cakes with Icing  
Eight Puddings Soaking  
Seven Vats a Brimming  
Six Cheese Fermenting  
More Golden Rings  
Four Cackling Hens  
Three Fresh Fish  
Two Turtle Eggs  
and the Precious in my pocket

On the tenth day of Christmas  
my Grandma sent to me:  
Ten Frogs a Leaping  
Nine Cakes with Icing  
Eight Puddings Soaking  
Seven Vats a Brimming  
Six Cheese Fermenting  
More Golden Rings  
Four Cackling Hens  
Three Fresh Fish  
Two Turtle Eggs  
and the Precious in my pocket

On the eleventh day of Christmas  
my Grandma sent to me:  
Eleven Hot Buns Piping  
Ten Frogs a Leaping  
Nine Cakes with Icing  
Eight Puddings Soaking  
Seven Vats a Brimming  
Six Cheese Fermenting  
More Golden Rings  
Four Cackling Hens  
Three Fresh Fish  
Two Turtle Eggs  
and the Precious in my pocket

On the twelfth day of Christmas  
the others point at me:  
Twelve Jurors Jeering  
Eleven Booters Booting  
Ten Lads a Hauling  
Nine Stares Accusing  
Eight Aunts a Crying  
Seven Uncles Fuming  
Six Days He's Been Floating  
More Damning Clues  
Four Days gone by  
Three Nights since  
Two went out  
now it's just us and the Precious


	2. Let It Flow

**DISCLAIMER  
**Standard disclaimers apply. I'm a novice writer and no Tolkien scholar, neither am I a composer. Constructive criticism much appreciated.

**SUMMARY  
**At Helm's Deep, imagine the Dwarf's baritone ringing out (especially in defiance of Legolas' lead in the tally) - Gimli's war-song upon the Deeping Wall.

* * *

**Let It Flow  
**_by _Wayfarer  
_ (closetwayfarer at yahoo dot com)_

**Let It Flow  
** _(sung to the tune of Let It Snow)_

Oh, the number of Elf hits is hateful,  
But outside uruks are plentiful,  
And since we've no place to go,  
Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow.

The orcs don't show signs of stopping,  
So many heads just right for popping  
If they're tall, I'll hit way low,  
Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow.

When we finally say good night,  
How I'll hate to see the keep stormed;  
But if I really do it right,  
The Elf'll lose before I'm swarmed!

Wall's gone, but fight's not dying,  
And by Aule, we're still tal-ly-ing,  
Ain't over while they keep coming so,  
Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow.


	3. All I Want For Xmas Is My One True Ring

**DISCLAIMER  
**Standard disclaimers apply. I'm a novice writer and no Tolkien scholar, neither am I a composer. Constructive criticism much appreciated.

**SUMMARY  
**A tune that might have been popular with "He who we do not name."

* * *

**All I Want For Christmas Is My One True Ring  
**_by _Wayfarer_  
(closetwayfarer at yahoo dot com)_

**All I Want For Christmas Is My One True Ring  
** _(sung to the tune of All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth)_

Everybody screams  
and flees from me  
This flaming eye's  
freaky as you can see  
I don't know just who  
to blame for this catastrophe!  
But my one wish on Christmas Eve  
is as plain as it can be!

All I want for Christmas

is my one true ring,  
my favourite ring,  
where's my one true ring!  
Gee, if I could only  
have my one true ring,  
then I could make you  
Grovelling Wraiths

It seems so long since I could say,

"Take this ring, a token of my friendship!"

Gosh oh gee, how happy I'd be,  
if I could pop my knuckles (bubble wrap popping)  
All I want for Christmas  
is my one true ring,  
Where's my one true ring.  
Gee, if I could only  
have my one true ring,  
then I could make you  
Grovelling Wraiths!


	4. Mithrandir Is Wearing A Frown

**DISCLAIMER  
**Standard disclaimers apply. I write for leisure and am no Tolkien scholar, neither am I a composer. Constructive criticism much appreciated.

**SUMMARY  
**The song memory aid that was left out of Master Peregrine Took's travelling knapsack when the Nine Companions left Rivendell. (But then, he'd probably do each and every single thing right on the mark anyway)

* * *

**Mithrandir Is Wearing A Frown  
**_by _Wayfarer  
_ (closetwayfarer at yahoo dot com)_

**Mithrandir Is Wearing A Frown**  
_(sung to the tune of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town)_

Oh! You better watch out,  
You better not slouch,  
You better not grin,  
I'm telling you why:

Mithrandir is wearing a frown!

He's got a long list,  
He's checking it twice,  
He's gonna tell you  
the nuisance you've been.

Mithrandir is wearing a frown!

He sees you when you're laughing,  
He knows when you're amused.  
He knows when you've been too curious,  
So be good for goodness sake!  
So...you better watch out,  
You better not slouch  
You better not grin,  
I'm telling you why:

Mithrandir is wearing a frown!

Under Moria,  
Under Orthanc.  
(Your) Curiosity ruined his plans.

Mithrandir is wearing a frown!

Because of you,  
Balrogs, rebirth,  
grouchy old kings,  
grumpy stewards too.

Mithrandir is wearing a frown.

You'll cast a stone in that well,  
you'll chase after a ball.  
But nothing compares to his frown  
when you wear that uniform.  
So...you better watch out,  
You better not slouch  
You better not grin,  
I'm telling you why:

Mithrandir is wearin'  
Mithrandir is wearin'  
Mithrandir is wearin'  
A frown!


End file.
